Post by Brewers GM (Clint) on Apr 8, 2014 20:25:41 GMT -6
I will be posting the weekly power rankings in two parts each week. The first part will be the bottom half, also known as the glass half full half. If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
This Power Ranking is Composed based on performance and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to.
#9 DETROIT TIGERS, 0-1 - Detroit is the armpit of America. Let's then look at the bright side. This is fantasy so at least Krista does not have to live in that "trailer park on heroin." This team is way too good to be ranked here but this is not a beauty pageant. Performance matters. Despite Scott Kazmir the pitching sucked overall. Put another way........so far this bullpen blows ass. If that improves expect this team to streak up the rankings as this team can hit the baseball.
MVP - Max Scherzer - 8 shutout innings, 1 QS, .00 Era
Reason for hope: There is no evidence that Justin is helping her with this team.
#10 CHICAGO WHITE SOX, 1-0 - CWS is the only winning team on this half of the list. The White Sox are ranked this high only because they won the biggest fantasy snooze-fest of the year. If I was one of those idiot book makers who call in to ruin sport talk radio shows I would now say.........THAT STATEMENT RIGHT THERE IS MY STONE-COLD LOCK OF THE YEAR. I am not so I will just say The W-Sox beat the Pirates only because somebody had to win. This is a team that would have fared better if they were allowed to just not field a C. Yes Miguel Montero I am talking about you.
MVP - SS Alexei Ramirez .409 with 1.007 OPS
Reason for hope: Let me get back too you errrrr....I mean, they are 1-0.
#11 Pittsburgh Pirates, 0-1 - How did Pittsburgh lose the least compelling game of the week? Hmmmmmmm, they have two not everyday C who combined to go 2-25. The good news is one of them, Travis d'Arnaud will probably get hurt again soon. His brother Chase washed out of the league after batting .208 over parts of two seasons and so far he would have to accurately be called "the good d'Arnaud." There is reason for hope though as the phrase "the son shines on a dog's ass" does exist.
This team is talented and will rise up the rankings so I am taking this opportunity to kick them well they are down. You are welcome sir!
MVP - Chris Tillman beat out Slim Pickens by a short margin. 1 QS, 1 W, 1.08 Era, .72 Whip
Reason for hope: This will like be the only week Andrew McCutchen impersonates Logan Schafer.
#12 Milwaukee Brewers, 0-1 - While this team is pretending to try to contend it got of to a sub mediocre start. They should be ashamed of themselves for losing to a Mariners team that only made 4 pitching starts for the week. The Brewers obviously did not plan well in the off season as Ryan Braun's designer juice did not arrive for week one. The team has some talent but will struggle all year without a little luck as they are older than sin.
MVP - Michael Cuddyer 2 HR, 21 TB, .414, 1.162 OPS
Reason for hope: There are some very talented chemists in the world.
#13 Tie, Mets and Cardinals, both 0-1, The Mets and Cards obviously performed a step up from the leagues outhouse teams. Why the tie? Let us not kid ourselves though. If week one was a fine cocktail for both teams they were both mixed with equal parts of suck. Any time a fantasy team puts up a weekly team OPS that begins with .60 that week was a nightmare rather than a fantasy. They both win this honor.
Mets MVP - John Lackey 2 QS, 2W, 1.38 Era, .85 Whip
Reason for hope: Mets have the chance to field a sneaky good pitching staff.
Cards MVP - Michael Wacha 2 QS, 1 W, .71 Era, .95 Whip
Reason for hope: This squad is loaded with talent and that real life douche bag Yadier Molina should lead them as they shoot up the power ranks.
#15 L.A. Dodgers, 0-1 - So, what does a sane person who takes over a star studded fantasy team do? I have no clue. But, Matt decided to trade them all away for prospects and ALL OF THE PICKS. Perhaps it will work but until I see evidence Matt Josefson is the Matt Millen of fantasy baseball.
MVP - 3B Trevor Plouffe .391, 1.012 OPS
Reason for hope: When you own ALL OF THE PICKS you just can't F that up too.
#16 Minnesota Twins, 0-1. The real life Twins are rumored to have filed suit against this team for defamation of character. Billy Hamilton recently remarked "holy crap did the Triple Play Minnesota Twins have a shitty week." Former major league SS/joke Mario Mendoza looked at the teams weekly batting average of .191 and laughed his ass off.
Enough said.
MVP - Jason Vargas 2 QS, 1 W, 1.20 Era, .73 Whip.
Reason for hope: The Dodgers are in the league.
Part one will be posted in the next couple of days...........please tune in and check it out.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
This Power Ranking is Composed based on performance and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to.
#9 DETROIT TIGERS, 0-1 - Detroit is the armpit of America. Let's then look at the bright side. This is fantasy so at least Krista does not have to live in that "trailer park on heroin." This team is way too good to be ranked here but this is not a beauty pageant. Performance matters. Despite Scott Kazmir the pitching sucked overall. Put another way........so far this bullpen blows ass. If that improves expect this team to streak up the rankings as this team can hit the baseball.
MVP - Max Scherzer - 8 shutout innings, 1 QS, .00 Era
Reason for hope: There is no evidence that Justin is helping her with this team.
#10 CHICAGO WHITE SOX, 1-0 - CWS is the only winning team on this half of the list. The White Sox are ranked this high only because they won the biggest fantasy snooze-fest of the year. If I was one of those idiot book makers who call in to ruin sport talk radio shows I would now say.........THAT STATEMENT RIGHT THERE IS MY STONE-COLD LOCK OF THE YEAR. I am not so I will just say The W-Sox beat the Pirates only because somebody had to win. This is a team that would have fared better if they were allowed to just not field a C. Yes Miguel Montero I am talking about you.
MVP - SS Alexei Ramirez .409 with 1.007 OPS
Reason for hope: Let me get back too you errrrr....I mean, they are 1-0.
#11 Pittsburgh Pirates, 0-1 - How did Pittsburgh lose the least compelling game of the week? Hmmmmmmm, they have two not everyday C who combined to go 2-25. The good news is one of them, Travis d'Arnaud will probably get hurt again soon. His brother Chase washed out of the league after batting .208 over parts of two seasons and so far he would have to accurately be called "the good d'Arnaud." There is reason for hope though as the phrase "the son shines on a dog's ass" does exist.
This team is talented and will rise up the rankings so I am taking this opportunity to kick them well they are down. You are welcome sir!
MVP - Chris Tillman beat out Slim Pickens by a short margin. 1 QS, 1 W, 1.08 Era, .72 Whip
Reason for hope: This will like be the only week Andrew McCutchen impersonates Logan Schafer.
#12 Milwaukee Brewers, 0-1 - While this team is pretending to try to contend it got of to a sub mediocre start. They should be ashamed of themselves for losing to a Mariners team that only made 4 pitching starts for the week. The Brewers obviously did not plan well in the off season as Ryan Braun's designer juice did not arrive for week one. The team has some talent but will struggle all year without a little luck as they are older than sin.
MVP - Michael Cuddyer 2 HR, 21 TB, .414, 1.162 OPS
Reason for hope: There are some very talented chemists in the world.
#13 Tie, Mets and Cardinals, both 0-1, The Mets and Cards obviously performed a step up from the leagues outhouse teams. Why the tie? Let us not kid ourselves though. If week one was a fine cocktail for both teams they were both mixed with equal parts of suck. Any time a fantasy team puts up a weekly team OPS that begins with .60 that week was a nightmare rather than a fantasy. They both win this honor.
Mets MVP - John Lackey 2 QS, 2W, 1.38 Era, .85 Whip
Reason for hope: Mets have the chance to field a sneaky good pitching staff.
Cards MVP - Michael Wacha 2 QS, 1 W, .71 Era, .95 Whip
Reason for hope: This squad is loaded with talent and that real life douche bag Yadier Molina should lead them as they shoot up the power ranks.
#15 L.A. Dodgers, 0-1 - So, what does a sane person who takes over a star studded fantasy team do? I have no clue. But, Matt decided to trade them all away for prospects and ALL OF THE PICKS. Perhaps it will work but until I see evidence Matt Josefson is the Matt Millen of fantasy baseball.
MVP - 3B Trevor Plouffe .391, 1.012 OPS
Reason for hope: When you own ALL OF THE PICKS you just can't F that up too.
#16 Minnesota Twins, 0-1. The real life Twins are rumored to have filed suit against this team for defamation of character. Billy Hamilton recently remarked "holy crap did the Triple Play Minnesota Twins have a shitty week." Former major league SS/joke Mario Mendoza looked at the teams weekly batting average of .191 and laughed his ass off.
Enough said.
MVP - Jason Vargas 2 QS, 1 W, 1.20 Era, .73 Whip.
Reason for hope: The Dodgers are in the league.
Part one will be posted in the next couple of days...........please tune in and check it out.