Post by Brewers GM (Clint) on Apr 14, 2014 19:39:09 GMT -6
I will be posting the weekly power rankings in two parts each week. The first part will be the bottom half, also known as the glass half full half. If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
This Power Ranking is Composed based on performance and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to.
#9 Chicago Cubs, 1-1 The Cubs got bitch slapped in week two and featured an offense that provided less power than an Amish outhouse. You only need to take a look at big money, big appetite Prince Fielder to see why. He batted .130 with as many HR's as me and drove in two runs. Oh and BTW vegetarian my ass Mr. Fielder.
MVP: Nate Shierholtz - .412, 1.000 OPS
Reason For Hope: Prince is known to play well when happy and Burger King is running there 2 for $5 deal.
#10 Milwaukee Brewers, 1-1 The Brew Crew moves up a couple spots based on a solid week. That said, this moron chose to not select Aramis Ramirez as a keeper and all he has done is act like a Latin Ted Williams so far. Meanwhile, Kyle Seager is going so bad he could possibly fall off a bridge and not hit water. The team is also way to honest as they do not steal crap. A lopsided bullpen will cause problems long term if that is not addressed. Other than that................things are good.
MVP: Ryan Braun 3HR, 22TB, .417, 1.340 OPS
Reason For Hope: The package from Biogenisis arrived!
#11 L.A. Dodgers, 1-1. No smarting off at this team this week. Just the straight poop. Teams need to be wary of this squad. They manhandled a team this week who only a week ago was screaming "bloody murder" for only being ranked #5. It was not even a case that the Mariners just screwed the pooch. The offense was fairly spectacular. They also added premier players at 2B and 1B this week and have more minor league assets than any three teams combined. If they add a little firepower to the pitching side they could make a run at the playoffs this season.
No I am not drunk
MVP: Colby Rasmus 3HR, .348, 1.201 OPS
Reason For Hope: Matt is a trade Junkie and he WILL add to his team.
#12 Arizona Diamondbacks, 1-1 The Snakes were almost as bad as the real life D-Backs. They hit .217 as a team and only produced 2 quality starts. Not a lot to say here. This team was as interesting as a Harry Potter movie while sober.
MVP: Yu Darvish 9K, 1QS, 0.00 Era, 0.25 Whip
Reason For Hope: Arizona has excellent weather this time of year.
#13 Pittsburgh Pirates , 0-2 The real Pirates broke a 20 year no playoff streak when they won a wild card last season. These Pirates are starting there own no playoff streak this year if they do not get there crap in order. This team features the reigning NL MVP and he has been a step below a piece of crap so far. Now, that little midget Dustin Pedroia is hurt. Not ready to write this squad off yet but tick tick tick.
MVP: Starlin Castro 2HR, 6 RBI, .360, 1.025 OPS
Reason For Hope: Castro might not suck after all.
#14 NY Mets, 1-1 The Mets struggled to beat the league donkey. That is not so impressive. Granderson, Gyorko and Mauer went hitless when inserted into the lineup this week. That is unlucky, sad and kind of disturbing.
MVP: Carlos Beltran 3HR, 24 TB, .423, 1.387 OPS
Reason For Hope: Let me get back too you.
#15 Detroit Tigers, 0-2 Ummmmmmmmm. What is going on here? Are you guys "so married" that you want to hang out here as well? Tough start but i just can't see this continuing. I expect this team to do better. I predict a win in week 3.
Reason For Hope: An upset victory over the highly ranked Reds could get this team on a roll.
MVP: Scott Kazmir 14K, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.25 Era, 1.0 Era
#16 Minnesota Twins, 0-2 Buxton is hurt. I searched for a reason to be nice ...........because Buxton is hurt. It took 17 minutes to find something nice to say. Here goes............If you go to the Twins home page on ESPN he has an excellent logo.
Will the Twins win a game?
MVP: Brian Dozier 3 HR
Reason For Hope: Buxton is hurt. Thank goodness for Obama Care!
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
This Power Ranking is Composed based on performance and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to.
#9 Chicago Cubs, 1-1 The Cubs got bitch slapped in week two and featured an offense that provided less power than an Amish outhouse. You only need to take a look at big money, big appetite Prince Fielder to see why. He batted .130 with as many HR's as me and drove in two runs. Oh and BTW vegetarian my ass Mr. Fielder.
MVP: Nate Shierholtz - .412, 1.000 OPS
Reason For Hope: Prince is known to play well when happy and Burger King is running there 2 for $5 deal.
#10 Milwaukee Brewers, 1-1 The Brew Crew moves up a couple spots based on a solid week. That said, this moron chose to not select Aramis Ramirez as a keeper and all he has done is act like a Latin Ted Williams so far. Meanwhile, Kyle Seager is going so bad he could possibly fall off a bridge and not hit water. The team is also way to honest as they do not steal crap. A lopsided bullpen will cause problems long term if that is not addressed. Other than that................things are good.
MVP: Ryan Braun 3HR, 22TB, .417, 1.340 OPS
Reason For Hope: The package from Biogenisis arrived!
#11 L.A. Dodgers, 1-1. No smarting off at this team this week. Just the straight poop. Teams need to be wary of this squad. They manhandled a team this week who only a week ago was screaming "bloody murder" for only being ranked #5. It was not even a case that the Mariners just screwed the pooch. The offense was fairly spectacular. They also added premier players at 2B and 1B this week and have more minor league assets than any three teams combined. If they add a little firepower to the pitching side they could make a run at the playoffs this season.
No I am not drunk
MVP: Colby Rasmus 3HR, .348, 1.201 OPS
Reason For Hope: Matt is a trade Junkie and he WILL add to his team.
#12 Arizona Diamondbacks, 1-1 The Snakes were almost as bad as the real life D-Backs. They hit .217 as a team and only produced 2 quality starts. Not a lot to say here. This team was as interesting as a Harry Potter movie while sober.
MVP: Yu Darvish 9K, 1QS, 0.00 Era, 0.25 Whip
Reason For Hope: Arizona has excellent weather this time of year.
#13 Pittsburgh Pirates , 0-2 The real Pirates broke a 20 year no playoff streak when they won a wild card last season. These Pirates are starting there own no playoff streak this year if they do not get there crap in order. This team features the reigning NL MVP and he has been a step below a piece of crap so far. Now, that little midget Dustin Pedroia is hurt. Not ready to write this squad off yet but tick tick tick.
MVP: Starlin Castro 2HR, 6 RBI, .360, 1.025 OPS
Reason For Hope: Castro might not suck after all.
#14 NY Mets, 1-1 The Mets struggled to beat the league donkey. That is not so impressive. Granderson, Gyorko and Mauer went hitless when inserted into the lineup this week. That is unlucky, sad and kind of disturbing.
MVP: Carlos Beltran 3HR, 24 TB, .423, 1.387 OPS
Reason For Hope: Let me get back too you.
#15 Detroit Tigers, 0-2 Ummmmmmmmm. What is going on here? Are you guys "so married" that you want to hang out here as well? Tough start but i just can't see this continuing. I expect this team to do better. I predict a win in week 3.
Reason For Hope: An upset victory over the highly ranked Reds could get this team on a roll.
MVP: Scott Kazmir 14K, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.25 Era, 1.0 Era
#16 Minnesota Twins, 0-2 Buxton is hurt. I searched for a reason to be nice ...........because Buxton is hurt. It took 17 minutes to find something nice to say. Here goes............If you go to the Twins home page on ESPN he has an excellent logo.
Will the Twins win a game?
MVP: Brian Dozier 3 HR
Reason For Hope: Buxton is hurt. Thank goodness for Obama Care!
