Post by Brewers GM (Clint) on Apr 15, 2014 17:52:33 GMT -6
Power Rankings Week 1 Part 2 also known as the MC Hammer Portion (Too Legit too Quit)
#1 Atlanta Braves 2-0, Braves win a close one against the former #2 by a score of 7-5-2. Look a little closer and the scores were close on Offense but a beat down on the pitching side. It may not have been as close as it looks. Enough done to stay number one.
MVP: Ben Zobrist 3HR, .350, 1.231 OPS
Reason For Hope: When reached for a fake comment that I am completely making up in regard to why his team has hope Ben replied "I'm number 1 BITCHES I do not need hope."
#2 Reds 2-0, Please be aware that I mean this kind of respectfully.........The Reds are shaping up to be the league pain in the ass. That does not mean they are not good. They are. If Jay Bruce ever gets his large head out of his ass this team could be pretty elite offensively. Beware though, counting on Jim Johnson regaining his form as a closer could be as risky as pissing on an electric fence.
MVP: Andrew Cashner Complete Game Shutout, 11 K, 0.00 Era, 0.33 Whip
Reason For Hope: Now that Mr. Baker has been warned about the pratfalls of urinating on an electric fence he should live a long prosperous life! And..........Troy owns some players that one of the leagues Big Spenders has wood for. If he can figure that out he has the loot to improve.
#3 Washington 1-0, I am sure the Nats are as crabby as a fat kid in the produce department at the grocery store after losing a tough one to Hotlanta. Keep your head up, you hung in there with the top dog. I get it though..........moral victories in fantasy are as gay as hot dog flavored popsicles. (Not that there is anything wrong with that)
MVP: Dan Straily 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 Era, .71 Whip
Reason For Hope: Payback is a bitch and you get the chance to go "female dog" on Atlanta again in week 5.
#4 Tampa Bay Rays 1-1, In week two we had the battle of the Adams. You won the first go round. I am pretty sure I like both of the dueling Adams but I must admit you both piss me off because whenever I get a message from either I have no idea what team I am talking to. Oh well, life is rough and I will live. Your offense was on fire leading everyone in total bases with 116 and an incredible team OPS of 1.023.
MVP: Justin Upton 4 HR, 27 TB, 8 RBI, .591, 1.881
Reason For Hope: Freddie Freeman hit .458 with an OPS of 1.315 and didn't even deserve to be in the MVP team photo. Not to mention so far you are by far this leagues most valuable Adam. Congrats!
#5 ChicagoWhiteSox 2-0, I owe the Pale Sox an apology. I heckled the shit out of them last week despite a solid victory. They make it 2 in a row against another solid opponent. True story: An African American gentleman I did not know once called me a "dumb ass cracker." I always felt that was uncalled for and mean. Perhaps he could see the future?
MVP: Adam Eaton .385, 1.115 OPS
Reason For Hope: The CWS are only one of three unbeaten teems after only 2 weeks. It may be a while before I insult them again.
#6 Florida Marlins 1-1 Coming off a disappointing loss this team drops a few spots. They are however the only team hitting over .300 and in fact no one else is over .290 collectively. A team that can hit has a chance. The problem so far is that they have a team ERA bigger than Oprah Winfrey's ass in the 80's.
MVP: Adrian Gonzalez 4 HR, 23 TB, 11 RBI, .409, 1.480 OPS.
Reason For Hope: Oprah lost weight!
#7 St. Louis 1-1, STL was dog shit last week and equally excellent this week. Fortunately for them they are probably closer to the week two team long term. The only category they did not win or tie was the long ball where they lost 3 to 4. They made a big move up the rankings and will probably do the same again in week three.
MVP: Yadier Molina .458, 1.118 OPS
Reason For Hope: Matt Adams will hit a ton of long balls this season and will neutralize an early season power issue. If Matt Holiday does't die due to old age he might help him out.
#8 Seattle Mariners OMG! "I'm way better than #5" bla bla bla bla bla...........
BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
The formerly ranked #15 Dodgers BEAT YOUR ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Mike Tyson woke up from the nap he has been taking since Buster Douglas knocked the crap out of him in 1990 and said in his woman's voice "holy shit did the Mariners choke."
Reason For Hope: You have a long season to prove you are not full of crap. Time to get started young man.........
#1 Atlanta Braves 2-0, Braves win a close one against the former #2 by a score of 7-5-2. Look a little closer and the scores were close on Offense but a beat down on the pitching side. It may not have been as close as it looks. Enough done to stay number one.
MVP: Ben Zobrist 3HR, .350, 1.231 OPS
Reason For Hope: When reached for a fake comment that I am completely making up in regard to why his team has hope Ben replied "I'm number 1 BITCHES I do not need hope."
#2 Reds 2-0, Please be aware that I mean this kind of respectfully.........The Reds are shaping up to be the league pain in the ass. That does not mean they are not good. They are. If Jay Bruce ever gets his large head out of his ass this team could be pretty elite offensively. Beware though, counting on Jim Johnson regaining his form as a closer could be as risky as pissing on an electric fence.
MVP: Andrew Cashner Complete Game Shutout, 11 K, 0.00 Era, 0.33 Whip
Reason For Hope: Now that Mr. Baker has been warned about the pratfalls of urinating on an electric fence he should live a long prosperous life! And..........Troy owns some players that one of the leagues Big Spenders has wood for. If he can figure that out he has the loot to improve.
#3 Washington 1-0, I am sure the Nats are as crabby as a fat kid in the produce department at the grocery store after losing a tough one to Hotlanta. Keep your head up, you hung in there with the top dog. I get it though..........moral victories in fantasy are as gay as hot dog flavored popsicles. (Not that there is anything wrong with that)
MVP: Dan Straily 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 Era, .71 Whip
Reason For Hope: Payback is a bitch and you get the chance to go "female dog" on Atlanta again in week 5.
#4 Tampa Bay Rays 1-1, In week two we had the battle of the Adams. You won the first go round. I am pretty sure I like both of the dueling Adams but I must admit you both piss me off because whenever I get a message from either I have no idea what team I am talking to. Oh well, life is rough and I will live. Your offense was on fire leading everyone in total bases with 116 and an incredible team OPS of 1.023.
MVP: Justin Upton 4 HR, 27 TB, 8 RBI, .591, 1.881
Reason For Hope: Freddie Freeman hit .458 with an OPS of 1.315 and didn't even deserve to be in the MVP team photo. Not to mention so far you are by far this leagues most valuable Adam. Congrats!
#5 ChicagoWhiteSox 2-0, I owe the Pale Sox an apology. I heckled the shit out of them last week despite a solid victory. They make it 2 in a row against another solid opponent. True story: An African American gentleman I did not know once called me a "dumb ass cracker." I always felt that was uncalled for and mean. Perhaps he could see the future?
MVP: Adam Eaton .385, 1.115 OPS
Reason For Hope: The CWS are only one of three unbeaten teems after only 2 weeks. It may be a while before I insult them again.
#6 Florida Marlins 1-1 Coming off a disappointing loss this team drops a few spots. They are however the only team hitting over .300 and in fact no one else is over .290 collectively. A team that can hit has a chance. The problem so far is that they have a team ERA bigger than Oprah Winfrey's ass in the 80's.
MVP: Adrian Gonzalez 4 HR, 23 TB, 11 RBI, .409, 1.480 OPS.
Reason For Hope: Oprah lost weight!
#7 St. Louis 1-1, STL was dog shit last week and equally excellent this week. Fortunately for them they are probably closer to the week two team long term. The only category they did not win or tie was the long ball where they lost 3 to 4. They made a big move up the rankings and will probably do the same again in week three.
MVP: Yadier Molina .458, 1.118 OPS
Reason For Hope: Matt Adams will hit a ton of long balls this season and will neutralize an early season power issue. If Matt Holiday does't die due to old age he might help him out.
#8 Seattle Mariners OMG! "I'm way better than #5" bla bla bla bla bla...........
BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
The formerly ranked #15 Dodgers BEAT YOUR ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Mike Tyson woke up from the nap he has been taking since Buster Douglas knocked the crap out of him in 1990 and said in his woman's voice "holy shit did the Mariners choke."
Reason For Hope: You have a long season to prove you are not full of crap. Time to get started young man.........